August
26, 2013 10:56 PM
I've been sitting and starting in blank page of paper in my computer for a few
minutes, I still don’t know where will I start and how will I put those
thoughts into words. I’m trying to collect every detail that comes from my mind.
I keep on thinking about different things that could help me to make a perfect
article for a certain post, but I guess I have a problem with that. Because I
know, there’s no perfection in any things. It may exist but I‘m too far from
it. So here it goes.
As
the meaning of Depression have been stated by Wikipedia, a state of low mood
and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior,
feelings and sense of well-being. Depressed people may feel sad, anxious,
empty, hopeless, worried, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, hurt or
restless. Those people who are depressed may lose interest in activities that
once were pleasurable. The feeling of depressed is normal to anyone of us. Each
of us may suffer from different problems and the feeling of loneliness about is
also natural, until it became any illness.
Depression
is also known as Clinical Depression or Major Depression Disorder, is a medical
illness that causes a constant feeling o sadness and lack of interest. It can
lead to emotional and physical problems. The feeling of being depressed is
typical to all of us; however, people with a Depressive Disorder find that
their state interferes with their daily life.
As I've read different articles about Depression, I've also understand that it has
different kinds and types.
Major Depressive Disorder –in this kind, the patient
suffers from combination of symptoms that undermine their ability to sleep,
study, work, eat and enjoy activities he enjoyed before.
Dysthymic Disorder –also known as Mild Chronic
Depression. The patient will suffer symptoms for so long, however, the symptoms
are not severe as in Major Depression.
Psychotic Depression –this is when severe
depressive illness includes hallucinations, delusions and/or withdrawing from
reality.
Postpartum Depression –also known as Postnatal
Depression. If a mother experience a Major Depression after giving birth within
a few weeks, she most likely developed Postnatal Depression.
SAD or Seasonal Affective
Disorder –is
much more common the further from the equator. A person who develops a
depressive illness during winter might have a SAD. The symptoms will go away
when summer or spring.
Bipolar Disorder or Manic
Depressive Illness
–it is not as common as Major Depression or Dysthymia. The patient experience
high and extreme lows. These extremes are known as manias.
Signs and
Symptoms
- Constant
feeling of sadness and emptiness
- Feeling
of pessimism sets in
- Feeling
of hopeless
- Feeling
of restless
- May
experience irritability
- May
lose interest in activities or hobbies they enjoyed before
- Lose
of interest in sex
- Feeling
of fatigue or low energy
- Find
it hard to concentrate, remember details or make decisions
- Sleep
too little or too much
- Eat
too much or have no appetite
- Suicidal
thoughts
- Complains
of aches and pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems
Personal
Experience
I've been reading different articles and topics that are related to Depression. I
start doing those last June. I've been searching answers to my problems. Why I
feel so uncomfortable and empty. From reading, I then jumped to finding
solutions to my problems by going to hospital. I asked for a Psychiatric help.
I know there’s something wrong and I finally faced the idea of asking a medical
help. At first, the idea of Manic Depressive Disorder or Bipolar Disorder
scares me. Fortunately, I don’t have Bipolar Disorder, which I think is worse
than my case. The doctor told me that I’m suffering from Major Depression
Disorder. That my case is severe and I have to take some medicines and attend
counseling. I was out of mind then. I don’t know where I will start because I
went there alone and I’m not prepared to tell to my family what’s going on. I
try to keep it a secret until I have no choice but to reveal it to my family.
Thank God that they understand and support me to this battle.
I
left the school, I asked for a one month leave away from the office, but I
immediately resigned, and I choose to stay home. I want myself away from those
things I guess would only worsen my case, away from those people who've hurt
and used me. It’s not easy. I have to throw all those things away from me. I
have to start fixing myself when in fact I still don’t know what the real
problem is. I feel so confused that I want to stop thinking. I want these to end.
I tried to commit suicide for several times, but I always find myself lose of
strength to push it. The urge of dying is still very tempting to me. People may
call me coward for choosing it as a solution, but no. I tried to fight for it
for a few months and years. I fight. I tried to control the pain and loneliness
I feel inside. I tried to smile and laugh. I tried to live normal just like the
others. I tried and tried, I just feel so tired of trying so much.
I've been so strong for so long. God knows that I've tried enough. This feeling is
absurd, I know right. Some people might laugh and teased me. Some friends left
me for misunderstanding my situation. It hurts. I feel the pain slowly killing
my mind. Then the idea of dying came out again. Seriously, I still want to die.
I’m just too afraid for my family’s reaction just in case I succeed. I don’t
want them to worry or feel the sadness I feels for so long. So I just have to
submit myself into medication. I just have to believe in the good sides of these
stories. One day, I will be fine and I will enjoy my life again.
