From Tumblr: I Never Needed Anyone

August 01, 2013

Just like a famous line of the song All By Myself, I also thought that I could live on my own. That I never needed anyone, I can do different things just by myself. I dwell on the idea that, no one can help you, but yourself. But I was wrong. I’m wrong.

I had a blog before, but I stopped writing because I want changes. I’ve change all my accounts on different social networks. I want something different from the life I thought was perfect. 

I have an organized plans. I planned those things in very detailed way. From one thing to another. From simple things to the most complex way. I made an organizer on my brain, that I’ll do this  today, and that the other day, and those stuffs for the following days, weeks, months and years. I arranged everything as If I know what will happen in the future. But doing those things, I’m unaware that I also build a wall around myself. Limiting myself from social interactions. Avoiding few people I thought would only use and hurt me. 

"People say that I’m amazing, I’m strong beyond these years. But they don’t see inside of me, I’m hiding all the tears"

                                                    -Gary Valenciano, Warrior Is The Child

So those people look up to me. I’m strong. Almost everyone I know told me that. Then I eventually thought I was. Until the realization comes. 

Yea. I don’t want to admit it. But somehow I cannot also deny it. I have this depression that have been famous for some people. I never had an idea before that this kind of illness will exist. So it hit me and I’m afraid of it.