October
3, 2013 1:16PM
It’s really hard to
put all my feelings into words. I keep on writing and then erasing it after I
type these words. My reason on writing this letter is because I want to share
my thoughts to you in these days that I’m still waiting for you. Yeah. I am waiting
for you.
I want you to
realize how my life seems so wrong for the few years. I’ve been dwelling in a
nightmare that I still don’t know to let go. It’s exactly two months and twenty
five days since the first time I went to hospital to ask for a help. I know
too, that once you have read this, you have already proven to me yourself. People
says that its ok not to be ok, and yeah, I still don’t feel ok. I’ve been
dealing for so many thoughts that I think only worsen my case. I’ve been
battling to this and even I already knew the answers, I still keep on coming
back to where I failed.
I keep on thinking
and trying to visualize your looks, your actions and your treatment to me. I
just also want you to know that you really have to be careful on loving me, because
I still have a healing wound inside me. Please try to understand my attitude
whenever I get jealous, I may be just scared to lose you, because I’ve lost so
many people in the past. I may be also possessive, which I think is not healthy
for us. Don’t stop on trying to make me understand that its not good. Whenever
I nag and keeps on telling hate things to hurt you, just make me stop by
hugging me, that’s what makes me feel so loved after that fight. Always
reassure me that I’m your only one whenever I feel so skeptic about you. I may
be very doubtful in your actions, I know its not good, but I really can’t stop
doing that because I was been fooled several times. Please forgive me on acting
like that. When I start crying, just hold, kiss me and tell me you love me.
I know it will be
difficult for you to understand my behavior. I may be very immature and
childish. I might do stupid actions that would make you mad. I’m so sorry. I
know I won’t be an ideal girl for you, but please let me deal with it. I will try
to change.
My love, proving
yourself to my family is what I really want you to do from the very start. You
know, they love me so much, they saw what I’ve been through and what’s best is
what they really wish for me. Just be yourself, I will surely introduce you to
them, and you just have to talk to them nicely. My family is the most important
thing to me, so I also want you to respect and value them. In return, I’ll be
very good when you introduce me to yours. I’m not perfect, so you are. We both
have different characteristics that sometimes might collide. Let’s just stop
and talk for awhile. Let me feel you, as you feel me. We can’t have an ideal
relationship, but that what makes us love more. Do take care of me because I
will do it too to you, with all my heart and soul. I love you.
Love
lots,
Me
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