Killing My Own: Suicide

October 04, 2013 9:56PM

Did you ever feel like you want to put an end to something? That you want to leave all these things behind yet you can’t find the right ways to do so?

So here it is. I will tackle about this disturbing word that has been famous nowadays:

Suicide.

I don’t have to define what the meaning of this word is. All of us know its definition and how to act it. But whenever we heard someone attempt to do it or you read an article that talks about it, we becomes very attentive. 

Why?

That is the common question asked whenever someone commits suicide. Why? Why he do that? Why? Why? But wait, why do you even have to know why?

I wouldn’t lecture something here. I don’t want to be righteous about it, because honestly, I was part of that word.

To us, suicide is not a silly act. Please stop saying that were so insane to think about it, because in the first place, you don’t have any idea why want to kill ourselves. Suicide is our best solution to our problems. We actually don’t care about the world’s opinion. But wait, I’m not telling these things to convince the crowd that its ok to do suicide. I’m just trying to give justification for those people like me, especially to those who succeed in doing it, who see suicide as a key to our problems.

I, told once to myself, that I don’t actually wanna die, I just want the pain to stop. Being hurt in any reasons are the common reasons why we thought of it. Some pains that don’t fade away, those hurtful things that we want to forget. We also wanna live, yet we find it very hard, spare us.

If you will ask me if still think of it, yeah, most of the times. The only reason why I still live is my family. I don’t want them to feel the pain I’ve been holding. I still see it as a solution but I rather choose to move forward. A suicidal person needs love and medication. We are not insane. We’re human who needs special treatment because we feel like nothing is good in living. I’ve been taking medication and attending counseling. I was diagnosed of having a Severe Major Depression Disorder so I have to take those treatments. My doctor take cares of me and assure me that as long as I submit myself to the medication, I will be fine.

I can say that I am better now compared to the last two years of my life. I’ve been in dark days of my life which made me think of suicide, but you see, I still live. I could able to tell these things to those gals who still think of suicide. I won’t stop you nor push you to do it. You have your personal reasons that we won’t ever understand. I just want to give my sympathy to you my friend. Choose what is the best.

Broken Hearted: It Hurts. Help Me Out.

October 4, 2013 4:39PM

A lot of people are dealing with these kinds of feelings. Most of us are still seeking of an answer, a solution, even a cure. But come to think of it, is there any a right method or treatment for a broken heart?

Love is defined by different words and phrases. Each one of us has different beliefs and definitions of love. Love is so powerful and great. You can do crazy stuffs that you never even imagine you are capable of doing so. We give a lot when we were in love. We think of the person is special to us and forgot to keep a little for ourselves. We are willing to do anything for love.

It is very wonderful. It feels heaven. Yet in return, when we got hurt, we really feel the worst feeling we could ever feel. The heartaches can make us ill. It makes us disable to do our usual habits. It makes us weak and incapable.

I’ve been reading several articles, even tries many of them, how to move on, how to deal with a broken heart, how to ease the pain, how to forget the person who hurt you, how to cure and heal the wound inside and many more.

As an ordinary people, I love and got hurt too. I am as desperate as others to find answers to those damn thoughts I’ve been dealing, and I’m still a one person who keeps on finding if there’s any pattern or methods on how to get these feeling out of my world. So as I search and browse the internet, I’ve collaborate all these things I think could help us, even just to lessen the crazy feeling were holding inside.

Things You Could Do To Lessen the Pain

1. Join an organization –believe me, when I say join, make it really real. Do some stuffs you never been try to do. Jump to different world, make new friends. Have some time to meet new people that won’t remind you the person you once love.
2. Keep yourself busy –well, these thing won’t work in my case, but may be possible to other people. Do the house chores. Cut the grass in the garden. Study your lessons in Calculus. Paint a masterpiece. You can do anything you want. Just try not to harm yourself, ‘kay?
3. Make new friends – yeah, I’ve mentioned that you could join organization or a club for a change, but meeting new friends might help you a lot. You see, those people you had once were actually the big reminder of the person you wanna forget. These people might be your good buddies for so long, but letting yourself away from them for awhile might help. You just gotta explain to them nicely so they won’t be offended.
4. Drink a little –oh jeez! For those people who keep on saying that drinking won’t help you, that is not actually true! You can forget them, those gals you wanna forget, but unfortunately, just for awhile. It helped you, c’mon. Drinking a bottle of liquor won’t kill you. You could try it for once. Hehe.
5. Date someone –I’m not saying here to look for someone then jump to him for a rebound thing. No. Using someone to totally forget the old one is wrong. But you’re also allowed to meet new character to make yourself realize that there still a hope after that failed relationship.
6. Beautify yourself girl! –for general, trying to fix and pick up you from the senti mode is kinda hard. Yeah. We cry a lot, we rather stay in bed the whole day with all your windows close, we want to feel alone. But hey! You gotta cheer up. Go, move forward. You don’t actually have to be very ok, because its really hard, I know, but at least make some moves to make yourself presentable. Better if you go face the mirror and notice that you’re making yourself look older. Being beautiful and presentable enough can gain you confidence to move on. Go girl!
7. Go home, feel your family –I am very fortunate that I see my family as a friend. Just like to any other people, our family is the greatest gift we could ever have. You see, when in times of grief, you will always find yourself being in your family. You don’t have to tell them words by words what is really running in your brain. The least thing you could do is to spend time with them. Laugh and talk with them. You’ll feel a lot better.
8. Let’s exercise –yey! I’ve tried it so many times. And yeah. It help, getting fit will lift up your emotions. Who knows, your ex might regret hurting you when he see you sexier. 
9. Cry, cry and cry –there’s nothing wrong about crying. It will help you a lot. Go, let your tears fall, feel the pain, cry all your hatred and grief. Then after you cry, tell yourself that everything’s gonna be alright, even you think it will take you so long to be really ok.
10. Pray –we all have faith in our Almighty God. Let’s surrender all our loneliness and sorrows to Him. God will always have a better plan for all of us. He will provide. You know that.

These things are just actually based on what I’ve learned by reading and personal experiences. Being broken hearted is not a bad thing. You feel the pain because you love truly. You are actually being proud of it. All of us will eventually realize that life is more exciting after you surpass these trials. Be brave, stay pretty and love will find you again, maybe for real, ayt?

Dear Future Boyfriend

October 3, 2013 1:16PM

Dear Future Boyfriend,

It’s really hard to put all my feelings into words. I keep on writing and then erasing it after I type these words. My reason on writing this letter is because I want to share my thoughts to you in these days that I’m still waiting for you. Yeah. I am waiting for you.

I want you to realize how my life seems so wrong for the few years. I’ve been dwelling in a nightmare that I still don’t know to let go. It’s exactly two months and twenty five days since the first time I went to hospital to ask for a help. I know too, that once you have read this, you have already proven to me yourself. People says that its ok not to be ok, and yeah, I still don’t feel ok. I’ve been dealing for so many thoughts that I think only worsen my case. I’ve been battling to this and even I already knew the answers, I still keep on coming back to where I failed.

I keep on thinking and trying to visualize your looks, your actions and your treatment to me. I just also want you to know that you really have to be careful on loving me, because I still have a healing wound inside me. Please try to understand my attitude whenever I get jealous, I may be just scared to lose you, because I’ve lost so many people in the past. I may be also possessive, which I think is not healthy for us. Don’t stop on trying to make me understand that its not good. Whenever I nag and keeps on telling hate things to hurt you, just make me stop by hugging me, that’s what makes me feel so loved after that fight. Always reassure me that I’m your only one whenever I feel so skeptic about you. I may be very doubtful in your actions, I know its not good, but I really can’t stop doing that because I was been fooled several times. Please forgive me on acting like that. When I start crying, just hold, kiss me and tell me you love me.

I know it will be difficult for you to understand my behavior. I may be very immature and childish. I might do stupid actions that would make you mad. I’m so sorry. I know I won’t be an ideal girl for you, but please let me deal with it. I will try to change.

My love, proving yourself to my family is what I really want you to do from the very start. You know, they love me so much, they saw what I’ve been through and what’s best is what they really wish for me. Just be yourself, I will surely introduce you to them, and you just have to talk to them nicely. My family is the most important thing to me, so I also want you to respect and value them. In return, I’ll be very good when you introduce me to yours. I’m not perfect, so you are. We both have different characteristics that sometimes might collide. Let’s just stop and talk for awhile. Let me feel you, as you feel me. We can’t have an ideal relationship, but that what makes us love more. Do take care of me because I will do it too to you, with all my heart and soul. I love you.

Love lots,

Me

Have You Ever Been Cheated?

September 23, 2013 10:32PM

Have you ever been experience to being cheated? Or you’re the one who cheat? Well, in that issue, I would be very honest, I once experience to cheat but in return, I was cheated several times. Jeez! Karma isn’t it?

Cheating is defined as an act of achieving or doing something in an illegal way. It is about breaking a rule for a certain thing, usually identified in examinations. But cheating has a different meaning when in comes to a commitment and cheating can be done by different forms. It can be physical, emotional and even online.

5 Signs that you’re Partner Is Cheating

•  He detach you from their family –as a partner, you want to be acknowledge by his family. You also want to be invited and attend their family gathering, because literally, you want to be part of his family, but the sad part is, he keeps refusing the idea and instead of telling the reasons, he will just jump to another topic.
• He won’t allow you to use his phone –most of the people who are in a relationship cross the boundaries of privacy. The idea of a letting your partner access your personal things are common, though some are just strict about this. So when your boyfriend rejecting you from using his phone without valid reasons, think.
• In regards with the phone issues, he doesn’t call or text you often as he did before –being busy in his career is really a valid reason, but we all know that when you love someone and you’re in a commitment, you will always find time to make at least a simple remainder you still exist.
• Mood swing –he seems irritated on simple thing that doesn’t please him. They sometimes use the opportunity to argue with you and make a big scene.
• He has a mysterious friend -he has a regular pal that he doesn’t want you to meet.

Personal Experience

I couldn’t tell the whole scenario of my experience, so I’ll just try to make it brief. I was in my fourth relationship then, my current boyfriend had been very busy on this study, so am I, but meeting and spending some times together were quite impossible to us. So I was distracted by someone special to me before my guy, he have been very attentive on what I tell him and he gave the attention that I want from my boyfriend. So in other words, I got this special feeling for this someone without the realization of my guy, and I know I was cheating already.

In another story, I was cheated several times by the same guy. He was my fifth boyfriend and I was madly in love to him. I gave what I think what will make him happy, only to be cheated by him. It was very painful, I know, and I even curse him to death.

Cheating is actually a sin, in every other way we see it. I was once became a cheater and I was punished by it, so somebody cheated on me too. That’s the game of life.

My New Found Love

September 11, 2013 4:31PM

I’ve never been in love like this before. I just realize this feeling one day, as I open my eyes in the morning. I fall in love with the idea of doing anything about artworks.

I always say that music is my first love. I’ve been singing since the day I knew how to do it, though at the first chapter of my so-called singing career of mine, I found it very difficult to convince myself that I could really sing. Music has a very special part in my life and I know that my life wouldn’t be as wonderful as it is when there’s no music. So that is my first love.

As I claim that music is my very first love, I also know that by heart, Architecture is my one and only true love. Being an Architecture student for almost five years of my life have been very challenging. You have to deal with so many things and you also have to face the hectic schedule as you go into its different phases. Whenever I think of those things in my life, I can’t help but to wonder. It’s really amazing how I went to different stages just to achieve these things. Music is like Architecture, they blend to one person’s life. You don’t have to be born an Architect or a Singer. You just have to be patience in getting the right characteristics to be one of them, to be a real Architect and a Singer/Musician. Practice is the secret of it. There’s no one-night-produce to be one of them, just have patience on practicing over and over.

But the magnificent part of this is I fall in love again. These past few days, I’ve been dealing with so much confusion on my mind. I still don’t have an answer to what my doctor questions, what will be my short-term plans? It brings headaches and yeah, even heartaches, whenever I think of it. I’m still not sure about my plans for the coming months. I’m not yet ready. So as I think of those stuffs daily, that I have do something worthy, I’ve realize one thing, I want to be a real artist. I love the idea of me doing so many things about arts crafts and I being so in love with it more and more.

In order to make those goals possible, I have to go on to several steps.

1.      Tools –you need a tool to make it possible, art tools to be specific. But there’s a plenty of tools and we need to be very precise on picking one.

2.      Money –let’s be realistic. Money is what we really need to start a business or hobby that involves art.

3.      Workspace –you have to make an effort to find a right place for it. In my situation, my room will also serve as my studio, as if I have a choice. Hehe.

4.      Talent –oh c’mon, these is the basic.

5.      Interest –just like talent, you have to have an interest on what everything’s you plan to do.

6.      Heart –love what you do. Put your heart on it. Feel each process and build it with passion. That is the greatest tool.

I’m Not Sexy, So What?

September 02, 2013 10:05 PM

Often times, I think that life is being so unfair. Well, yeah, technically, it’s not really fair. Why some people are fortunate? Why most are not? Why there are poor and rich? Why there are ugly and beautiful? Why measurements and weights are an issue to everyone?

http://favim.com/image/187939/

I’m actually one of those people who frequently ask why life is not fair, especially when it comes to physical appearance. Nah! I’m confident that I’m not ugly, but I’m not also beautiful compared to others. Good thing that my mother tells me I’m pretty, at least there’s a little encouragement on my part. Come to think of it. Isn’t it nice if all of us have an equal blessing? That would be a great idea, isn’t it? But those are just a wild dream. We have to deal in our differences and accept what God gave to us.

But wait, is being beautiful and sexy are really a requirement?

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Physical appearance is just an outer layer of our personality. Most of us deceive in what a person looks a like without realizing the real beauty is inside the person’s heart. Just like in taking a body measurements. Sure we all wants to be physical fit. We love to dress up in different types and sizes of clothes, to walk with full confidence in a crowd, to be adored and be love. But not all of us are given that kind of opportunity.

Jim Morrison, an America singer-song writer and poet thought that fat was beautiful. He describes that being fat made him feel a giant, powerful mammal. His views on eating and body image are quite refreshing. That obsession with size and weight is tricky.

Is being fat has really an advantage? Here’s my list.

Advantages of Being Fat

• Huggable –the good thing about hugging a fat or chubby person is that, when you hug them, you really HUG them big. You’ll experience the floppy and comfortable feeling that will keep you on coming back for more.

• People don’t expect you to be athletic –when you’re P.E teacher asks you to do some exercise demos for your class, they won’t expect you to perfect it. In another thing, maybe it can be your excuse to not be their pet.

• You won’t make negative comments to others –surely, when ask, you won’t give bad comments against others because you exactly feel what they might feel when tell them those.

• You will always be cautious to what will you do –some people really act so clumsy that end up to inappropriate scenarios. But when you’re larger or heavier than others, you’ll always be aware of what you act or speak, since you think that you catch more attention than slim persons, because technically, you’re visually larger than them. That’s not bad idea ayt?

• You can eat what you want –that’s the real spirit. You can choose whatever you like. You will not be like the other people who are so conscious on what they eat, that they could actually bring a calculator so that they can compute each carbs they take in.

• Nanay will be very happy –seriously, when you thought a lot about your diet plan, you might skip the dinner and forgot that you’re mother exert a lot of time and effort to prepare a meal. Making her happy is actually great.

http://www.websnackerblog.com/2013/07/fat-is-beautiful.html

Despite of the negative comments about being fat and the health risk, the good side should be considered. Being fat is not a crime. It is just an exterior part of you. The real you are beneath of those fats around your belly. The real you are inside your heart and soul. You are beautiful no matter what the world says about you. You could be attractive and sexy thru your attitudes and points of view in life. We all know that being fit is health. But being fat is also an opportunity to test those people to love you aside from your appearance. You’re God’s greatest creature. You are beautiful, just be you.

You’re So Addictive My Dear Coffee

September 02. 2013 9:40 PM

Is there anyone who doesn't want coffee? I was one of them then, until I experience and fall in love with it.

http://creattica.com/logos/coffee-cup/19933

I was a not coffee dependent before. I’d rather drink a cup of hot choco. I could able to do all my task and commitments. My life is normal and simple. I just wake up every morning feeling contented and could sleep at night in at peace feeling. That was my life before I turned to be an addict. Oh yeah. I’ve changed. I’m still not yet sure if it’s for good or what. All I can just say is that, I love it. Well. I’m not talking about my life in general; it’s all more of my relationship with coffee. Haha.

Coffee is a brewed beverage prepared from the roasted seeds of several species of an evergreen shrub of the genus Coffea. That was according to my researches, but basically, coffee is just a drink that makes us all complete. It deserves my compliments, of course!

I was in my first year in college when drinking coffee has been my habit. My lifestyle had to change. I have to make some extra effort to shift my night in to daylight, and to stay awake in the middle of the night. I have to stay alive in order to make good grades. With so much drawing plates and projects to finish, I have to look up for a companion to make myself active, and that is coffee. That was in year 2009. I am now an avid fan of coffee despite its negative effect on me and up to now, my days won’t be complete if I haven’t drink even a single cup of coffee. Coffee is really addictive because it contains caffeine. But for those people like me who won’t survive without it, cheers!